A Punjabi wedding, step by step
From roka to doli: the rituals of a Punjabi wedding, and the songs that go with each one.
A Punjabi wedding is not a day but a season, with a rite and a song for every step. Sikh, Hindu and Muslim families share most of them, the vatna, the mehndi, the barat and the tearful farewell, and differ mainly in the ceremony at the centre.
- 1Roka and kurmai ਰੋਕਾ · ਕੁੜਮਾਈ
The families agree and 'stop' the search; at the kurmai, the engagement, the bride's family visit the groom with sweets and gifts.
- 2Saha chitthi ਸਾਹਾ ਚਿੱਠੀ
The date is fixed, and a letter sent to the groom's family.
- 3Maiyan and vatna ਮਾਈਆਂ · ਵਟਣਾ
For days before the wedding, bride and groom are rubbed with vatna, a paste of turmeric, flour and oil, and stay at home in old clothes. In Pakistan this is the mayun.
- 4Mehndi ਮਹਿੰਦੀ
Henna patterns on the bride's hands and feet, with singing and dancing; in Pakistani Punjab, often the biggest night of all.
- 5Jaggo ਜਾਗੋ
On the night before, the mother's side carry a brass pot lit with oil lamps on their heads and dance through the lanes, banging on doors to wake the village: jaggo, wake up!
- 6Chooda and kalire ਚੂੜਾ · ਕਲੀਰੇ
The bride's mama gives her the chooda, red and ivory bangles; her friends tie on the kalire, golden ornaments. She shakes them over her unmarried friends, and the one a kalira falls on marries next.
- 7Sehra and ghodi ਸਿਹਰਾ · ਘੋੜੀ
The groom's face is veiled with a sehra of flowers or pearls, and he rides a mare to the bride's house with the barat behind him, his sister feeding the mare.
- 8Milni ਮਿਲਣੀ
At the gate, the fathers, uncles and grandfathers of both sides embrace and give each other gifts; then the women throw sithniyan, teasing songs, at the barat.
- 9Lavan, phere or nikah ਲਾਵਾਂ · ਫੇਰੇ · ਨਿਕਾਹ
Sikhs marry by walking four times round the Guru Granth Sahib, the Anand Karaj; Hindus take seven phere round a sacred fire; Muslims marry by nikah before a qazi, with the haq mehr agreed and both asked three times for consent.
- 10Doli ਡੋਲੀ · ਰੁਖ਼ਸਤੀ
The bride leaves her father's house, throwing rice back over her head as a blessing on the home she leaves. Few people do not cry. In Pakistan this is the rukhsati.
- 11Paani vaarna and after ਪਾਣੀ ਵਾਰਨਾ
At the groom's door his mother circles a bowl of water over the couple's heads and sips it, seven times, before letting them in. Games follow, then the walima feast among Muslims and the bride's first return home.
More dress, sayings and games
The turban, the Punjabi suit, the tehmat and the chadra, the parandi in the hair and the jutti on the feet.
The sayings that season every Punjabi conversation, and the riddles told round the fire on winter nights.
The games of the Punjabi village: girls spinning in kikli, boys at gulli-danda and pithu, and kites on every roof at Basant.
The platform under the big tree in the village square, where the men sat, talked, played cards and settled quarrels.
The pointed leather shoe of the Punjab, embroidered in gold and silver thread for weddings.
The woven string bed carried into the courtyard by day and onto the roof at night, and the low stool beside it.